Expanded Version of Type Two

"Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real." Thomas Merton
"How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?" Japanese Zen Master

Type two’s like to relate to others and will find themselves in your reaction to them. For some this means they are a little wary, knowing that rejection will hurt- for others it means reaching out and finding out about you so that they feel they are connecting. You know you have met a Type Two when you have spent a conversation talking in an emotionally meaningful way about yourself and yet know very few personal things about the other person you have met.

Type Two’s focus on presenting an image of themselves that they hope you will find lovable. Highly value driven they will stand up for their people-centred values and will be rejecting and judgemental of those who do not share that selfless and generous approach- but you might not know that while you are talking to them. Type Two’s want the relationship to work and as such they tune in and endeavour to understand where someone is coming from to be the way they are. 

It is often hard not to like a Type Two- they seem to be looking out for you without you asking them to. They often turn up bearing gifts, and immediately offer to jump in and help when you are running an event. They remember the emotionally sensitive things that are happening in your life and are great listeners. They naturally allow you to express yourself in a way that gives you space and the sense of being heard.
Some Two’s are haughty with a relatively high opinion of themselves while others are more self-effacing and do not feel very special at all. When you get to know a Type Two you will understand they oscillate between the two extremes quite a bit- one moment feeling up, and the next relatively worthless. It all depends on whether they feel loved for who they are and if they feel they have been living up to- and presenting the impression of-  the elevated persona they feel is worthy of love.

Type Two’s are often the angels of the Enneagram in the way they are loving and attentive to others; but this can be as much a habitual trap for them as it is a blessing. Being dependable and there for others is a wonderful way to be in life but paradoxically it can separate the Type Two from feeling lovable as they are. In being there for others the Two often does not recognise and accept their own limitations and capacities- they have a high opinion of who they need to do be in order to be worthy of love…. that can wear them out.

The Type Two has the self-view that love needs to be earned, so they act in a way that means others will love them. The common intention is to appear lovable and feel loved within the context of relating to others. Finding security in this pattern Two’s attune to the needs of others and then often feel capable and compelled to support them. Many Type Two’s recognise this pattern as an internalised value system which they feel a strong need for themselves, and others, to conform to.

Type Two’s are highly empathetic to the needs and deeper feelings of others. They often use that ability to tune themselves to meet those needs. They do this not only in material ways, but even more fundamentally by being the kind of person the other person would like to know. Twos prefer giving to receiving, and seem to have no needs of their own: they are independent and capable, and  happiest when secure in the knowledge that others really appreciate them.

Most Twos would not consider themselves proud, but the combination of their perception that they have no needs themselves, with their certainty that they can meet everyone else's needs -whatever the cost to them personally- means they can seem slightly superior. Those close to them often want to save them from themselves and take a rest. Paradoxically they can seem rather distant to the degree to which they do not share the unlovable, and emotionally needy parts of themselves.

The way Type Two’s pride themselves varies; most pride themselves on being available empathic and sensitive, setting store by one's emotional receptivity, others pride themselves in the belief that they don't have physical limits that their energy is endless in the service of others, some set great store in our intelligence or mental proficiency and that they can work out what is best for others.
 
For the Type Two the common element is the building up of the belief in the mental image of oneself. They have the underlying belief or wilfulness that it is up to them to make sure the world acts in a benevolent way; it as though they want to be the grace of God rather than leaving God to do it. They often see needs in others and then feel capable and even compelled to address them- and this is at the level of the family, in relationship, or in society as a whole. 
 
The key insight for type Two is the effort they need to put in- when they feel that there is no inner support and they feel rejected for what they are doing the likelihood is they are “giving to get” the acceptance and feeling of being lovable from outside. At such times, the awareness that it is a pattern of their life to only feel worthy of love if they live up to a mental ideal of themselves, can give them space to love themselves… foibles and all.

Those who wish to support a Type Two can encourage them to share all the sides of themselves- especially the bad bits -and love them regardless. Feeling loved in that open space is what Type Two’s do so well for others but seem blocked to be able to do for themselves. Being loved for who they are gives them the depth into themselves they tend to look for in the loving acceptance they seek when relating to others.

The Scripts that motivate Type Two’s

That I can fully realise the lovable image I have of myself

to wield the sort of influence over others that confirms that they love me

to be humble enough not to have to shout to get my needs met

to have the strength of will to live out my values and realise them

to feel the love of appreciation and emotional connection

to live with limitless energy to do, or be, that which is deserving of love 

 to feel needed and indispensible to those I love 

 to tune into others in a way that establishes reliable connection

 to feel like I deserve to demand to have my own way

to feel lovable and worthy inside 

to have the freedom to accept and express myself .... warts and all

to be able to pull people's strings when I need to

to live an emotionally engaged life in relationship with others

to feel wanted, valued and loved by others without having to ask for it

to do good things and feel like a source of love for others